One such day.....

It was about 11 at night…dad was busy revising his news paper…probably for the 12’th time…all the news was so stale…so cold by now…still he was so into it, like it was his life’s mission.

Maa was busy playing with the remote….popping in questions occasionally to the newsaholic…who would “hmm” her away…
i went near the shelf to look something. It was the photo from my bro’s marriage…it had all five of us…I really miss him…
All my life I was compared to this guy…”learn at least something from your brother…”
“Why are you hurting us like this….your brother has never disgraced us” …dad always used to tell…shout rather.

But my brother…never let me down…he always comes up with that beautiful comforting curve in his lips…and with some good reason for all my misdeeds. No wonder everyone likes him…If I have a son someday…I wish the boy to be like my brother…no headaches…lifetime happiness guaranteed….

I wiped the dust off the frame, and kept it back on the shelf…I kissed my mom a good night…and went to bed….I don’t speak to dad…not even good nights. We lost connection far before…I’m not sure if he remembers I exist….

I went to bed…it takes a lot of time for me to sleep, no matter how tired I’m….I’ve to force myself to it….All these sweet memories…well, I’m not sure if it had happened before…may be I’m imagining it ,I get these flash backs from some unwritten chapters from my past...every night before I sleep…
. . .

There’s this little me…my tiny fingers clutched tight in the hands of my dad…we are taking a walk on this road, it was dusk, I don’t know which road, with tall trees on both sides...u know the one like the Autumn wallpaper that comes with windows XP…He was doing all these childish things with me…walking me on his toes…playing airplane…and we talk for long hours….he makes me smile and surprise me with magic tricks…


I don’t know how i cooked up these thoughts…but I cherish them like some good old memories…of my life

I fell asleep…
. . .

I woke up....took a wide stretch. And a long yawn….came out of my room…Maa was leaning on to the dining table as usual, I said something like a good morning to her…

Just when she heard me, she stopped reading...I turned back to face her…she raised her head from the table…she seemed to be scared for some reason to hear my voice…I was glued to the floor at her reaction…She turned her face slowly towards me...and when she saw me, she started screaming…loud shrieks…calling dad for help…I went near her…tried to calm her down...she started to step away from me…slapping my hand off...
”Maa it’s me…it’s me..” I kept on repeating that…I didn’t even think of a day, tat I would have to say ‘this’ to my maa.

Dad came running down the stairs…he started shouting at me “WHO ARE YOU…”
“Lakshmi, WHY DID YOU OPEN DOOR FOR A STRANGER FROM THE STREET”…

Stranger ??? I didn’t understand….He came running to me…he caught me by my sleeves and pushed me hard to the shelf…I fell on to our photo…I grabbed it and showed it to them...but he still came closer...I just looked at the photo...And I couldn’t believe my eyes….I’m missing in that frame…
Dad grabbed back the photo and pushed me to door….I hit my head on the wall...but that pain was nothing….He slammed hard the front door at my face….

. . .

I woke up…it was a dream??? I was all sweaty….and panting like some mad dog just chased me .…my head ached, where it hit on the wall…it seemed so real...but why….It felt like De javu rather a dream…
I went to my bedroom door…everything felt lil different….I opened it…I saw maa…reading the news paper…I don’t know why it looked so scary. I forced a good morning out of me…it was hardly audible…she ‘hmm’ed…

OH… MAAAN, that was the most beautiful relieving “hmm” of my life….
As I was walking away I saw Maa turning towards me…and I stopped …she turned and asked...

”Who are you????”