It's about nothing.....

NOTE: If you are actually reading this, please stop now….you’ll find nothing in here…pick your nose instead, you’ll find better things….

It’s been really looooooong I threw something in my lil trash here….I can’t say I had one of those “Writer’s  Block”, coz for that you need to be out  of new thoughts and u need to be a writer...I am no writer, and thinking is the only thing I do lately.

I’m having one of my good old Heavy electronics text moment now…I’m dying to GET OUT, and go for a walk or ride on my bike…But, fortunately, I managed to dislocate my shoulder  last day and going for a ride at 2 in the morning with slinged hand doesn’t seem  so welcoming. So here I’m sticking onto my bed...and here you are (if you are still reading), stuck with my trash.

I feel so numb at heart, you know doesn’t feel like doing anything…It’s very frustrating,  when you don’t feel like doing things that you once did so happily…As a matter of fact it’s been really long I met with happiness….I don’t quite remember the last time I laughed...

There are people dying every second of cancer....half a million homeless….even more without food, and I’m moaning here for not remembering my last laugh…WTF rite…

I’ll tell ya a story…Once, when I was a lil boy (well even littler than now), I kept this cat as my pet…I don’t quite remember the name I used to call him…I’ve been always bad at remembering names and dates…I used to take him everywhere I went…used to play with him…was with me all the time…he even curled around near my pillow while at night…and purred till dawn...One day, the neighbor’s kid came home and gave him some milk….The bowl was outside and the poor thing was finding it hard to keep up with hot sunny weather..so I went to move his bowl inside to the shade, but then, he growled and scratched my hand, when I again went near him…he pounded and bit me on my wrist….It started bleeding, and I was rushed to small dispensary nearby…when I came back home I saw him playing with the other kid…He never came back home…and soon, was out of the neighborhood.

I was really hurt that day, in every sense…for a 6 year old…who doesn’t even know the existence of a word ‘trust’ or ‘love’…it was a deep slash right across…

Even today, after realizing and understanding the instincts and behavior of a cat…I get this heaviness and tendency to stay away from cats…

You mite be wondering, why I told you this story…Well, keep wondering…I told you to go pick your nose, you didn’t listen….Anyway stay away from cats…the world is flooding with those….

It’s really sad and depressing that ppl tend to tie their happiness to something or someone….and that becomes their sole source of happiness….and by the time they realize their mistake, time would have done enough damage…..

I believe one need to be happy about oneself first….but, HOW ???

Stephen Hawkings, once said, When god gifted him Complete Paralysis, he dropped all his expectations to zero…now he is always happy…Even the smell of lil rose bud, carves a smile on his face….

Expect NOTHING…then ANYTHING will start to mean EVERYTHING…….

I’m gonna crash for the nite…..for those who didn’t picked their nose…and read my trash with no expectation…way to go…you’ll find happiness in every nook…;-)

Ba bye….

#minipost

Shhhhhh........

   "   It hurts, when words reaches places, it shouldn't have....
              hurts more when it never reach the right alcove...

     
        It pains, when, there is just this dumb silence to say...
              and it kills when this silence never gets a 'hey'... 
      
       I know this almost made you throw up.....
           I don't care, have no job, I'm not gonna shut up...;)  "
    

last wrinkled words.....

Dear,

I’m not even sure, this letter would ever reach you…Since you are reading it…I’m happy I got a word with you…Please don’t let Dan read this now…He may not take it well…Give it to him, when time is right…

There’s only less than hundred men left in my infantry...We are loosing it.

I just want to apologize…I’m sorry for leaving you, with the baby coming and all…but I’ve my orders, sweet...And I hope, I get to see her…I’m sure she’s having your beautiful blue eyes…If I didn’t get the chance, tell her, I loved her…I miss everything about her…I miss her sweet baby smell, I miss her soft nudge and tight grip of her little fingers.. I miss her giggles, for my magic tricks, that I could never surprise her with…I miss her first walk…first day at school…I miss…

I f she ever misses me… asks for me…just ask her, to look at the sky at night…I’ll be there…winking right at her…don’t forget to smile back dear…

And Dan, I’m a proud father son…You have a good heart and a brave soul…take care of your mom and sister son...I love you…

Tonight, after you cover him up under his blanket…just kiss him for me, dear...

I’m writing this from my muddy trench. Don’t tell mom this, she would start shouting for not cleaning up my place now…Give her my hugs…And tell her, that I did steal her necklace during high school. It’s in my small chest, at the attic...

And dad, I just realized, how much I love you…I’ve always respected you…I never knew how to show it dad…Sorry for being so mulish and for joining the marine against your wish…I would make you proud one day dad…I promise…

And, honey, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it…and for leaving you alone…I will miss all those waltz we played in the rain…I’ll miss your yellow skirts you wear all the time…

I’ll miss your beautiful smile

I’m sorry...I’m on my last matchstick and it’s raining heavy…I’ll complete this letter soon…miss you…

I will…

A walk....

I have these moments, when I feel so heavy at heart…like 10 copies of that big fat book of electronics piled up on my chest…..I feel sad…a bit depressed...but have no idea Why??…

I got a chance to enjoy one of these rare moments lately….It was an evening after class…it was one of those summer evenings….long and warm…And I thought of going for an evening walk to lighten up…As always I grabbed my walkman phone and earplugs…made my playlist…all the usuals were there…Don’t leave home(Dido),Snow patrol collections, John Denver, some blues from Gary Jules, and of course Sona’s Abhi nahi aana and a lot more picks from that serene genre…

This walk was not meant to find out why were those heavy electronics books kept there…or why I’m sad…or to get self enlightened...It meant nothing…. (Well most of things I do means nothing...I just do meaningless things)...I just wanted to spend some quality time with myself…. (Well I do that occasionally ;) …this time I thought of walking, for a change)

I closed the doors….kept the keys in my torn out shoe outside (for the burglars and thieves reading this post, we changed the place where we keep the keys…But you will find nothing anyway….except for some clothes which you won’t dare to go near anyway, and few of our underwear….Please don’t take those…that would be an act of extreme cruelty)

Play….

Don’t leave home-Dido

The first five minutes of my walk went sleepwalking with Dido…the song really sets your mood…I get all these memories of my first year days, (mainly chapters from boys' hostel)….coz tats when I bought my walkman and this song was the only song saved in it….Yeah…I know…silly reason…but still...it do open up my mind to those good old memoirs…You know…getting stripped by seniors, Monday morning fights for the bathrooms and finally settling for a shower at the wash…All the graffiti works on toilet walls…I’ll quote some masterpieces…

”Shake well after use…”

“The future of world is in your hand….”

“Thy shall fight till de last drop…go warrior…”

Such, classic literature....Kids should be taught these at school…seriously. . .

Hero-Enrique

The street was packed with kids, running back to their homes….or play ground or where ever they go these days…I saw this little boy, trying impress his girl folks, making a rainbow with the water in his bottle, spraying it, in the correct angles with the dusky rays…He did it with such great concentration…biting his lower lips…trying to get the right angle.. .Well he made it….Star of the evening…but he ran out of water soon…and then, this one girl, came hopping to him from the crowd, with her filled up bottle…He smiled at her and gave her the most beautiful seven colors of that eve….

Clocks- Coldplay

Saw these ants marching one after the other…the funny part is…well not the funny side…sad side (a bit funny too), they were walking towards some dried leaves, set on fire….Some of ‘em were even fighting one another to get to the fire….Ignorance is certainly such a bliss…even death seems so attractive…I’m sure when we were kids and when we didn’t know death or life…or anything for that matter, the way we saw everything would have been so beautiful…And later some stupid guy would have given us this lecture on life and death…how we die and don’t see them after death…all these craps literally killed the curious happy little kid in us….One should never grow up…and one day, when you have a kid, please don’t install your service pack of life into him...and cage his imagination for ever….and keep him far away form the so called “grown ups”.

Paper planes- MIA

“MOOOO…….” “MOOOOO…..”
The cow tied tight to the electric post, near the tea shop, was getting all frustrated. The street lamps on the post were left lit…but don’t worry, it would soon go out once it’s dark…. (KSEB rocks…) I stopped for a tea.

The cow brought back the memory of this stupid talk on “COW”, that I gave lately on the New Year night…you know…I was in an excited state of mind…it was one of those ”GREEN GRASS...Blue sky…in this beautiful world” moment…(courtesy: Vodafone)Well to really enjoy this, you need to shoot up from your ground states…

You know I felt really sad for cows that night , I don’t remember why (Dry beef fry was the touchings, may be that’s why)…Well, for the girl folks especially, just think yourself in the cow’s shoe.Every morning some unknown, moron looking guy, complete stranger, comes to you, and you are all tied up and helpless…and do things, you know, really immoral things, that can get that guy into jail if you were human…

I mean, you are human now…but you know, imagining that u r not…
You get my point right…

And it’s even more depressing if you are a married cow….Your husband bull has to helplessly watch his wife being brutally molested, every single morning right in front of his eyes. And he can do nothing about it…

And when your son come running to you for his breakfast milk….u have to say, with tears.. .
”Son, the store is closed today….no milk”

And when he says, ”mom, I want to be just like dad”…and she has to mutely nod for it…smelling her hus, getting cooked up in the oven in the kitchen, at the very moment….and thinking to herself, that one day her son would get placed, in the same firm....

Man…it so sad…I pledge, I ‘m a vegetarian from now on….cross my heart….

I stepped out of the shop….”PLUCK…”…shit...I stepped on that stupid cow’s dung…
I’m back to non-veg again….

Abhi nahi aana- Sona

This song sets a different mood…a special one…that of a sweet sad pain….It’s again my ignorance that gifted me this mood…I’m not that good with Hindi…and what I understood from the lyrics was really flavored with that feel…And the rhythm, the strings, finger snaps…all adds to the taste…and please don’t correct me if I’m wrong….

I felt the song was the last few words of some girl…to her lover…who didn’t come to her when she was desperately waiting for him….and now, it’s too late….No use coming now…But she is not sad...In between the lines we get a feel, that she is smiling…but…may be with wet eyes…we don’t know…He didn’t come, when her door was wide open for him. Now, it is too late. She can’t open the door, if he knocks…If he shouts…she can’t give back a word…..
The song ends with her giggles…in an incomplete note....leaving so much untold…..

ps: shilpa, thanks for this song buddy....i owe you a song.......;)

Home sweet home…I reached back….It was really a nice walk…..I’m looking forward for the next “FAT Electronics text” moment ;-)